According to Webster, the general definition of an expert is a person
with extensive knowledge and experience in a particular study. Well,
if this is correct then my expertise lies in one simple category, men.
From surviving an abusive relationship in college, to then dating my
first ever white man on national television, to now being single and
dating in NYC, I am over qualified when it comes to the lesser
species. And, if my own personal failures with men aren't enough, i
have some amazing friends with some crazy men stories that I will also
dish about.
My hope for this weekly blog is that it provides you with comfort,
humor, guidance, but most importantly the realization that all women
are going through the same confusing, sometimes wonderful, and
sometimes heartbreaking journey as we try to figure out love, some of
us just do it in better shoes.
"The more you trust your intuition, the more empowered you become, the
stronger you become, and the happier you become" - Gisele Bundchen
The one thing that I have learned is that whether 21 or 33, college
educated or not, whether you have traveled all over the world, or
never left your hometown in nowhere Mississippi, women of all ages, in
all stages of their lives obsess over men. Realize that it's ok to
obsess over some hottie that you work with, that may actually be a
loser that still lives at his mom's house, because it's completely
normal. Also realize that no matter how put together the girl next to
you appears, she is probably obsessing over an even bigger loser.
Obsessing is what we do as women, so of course we are going to obsess
over men. Obsessing isn't the problem. Failing to trust our gut
feelings and not following our intuition is what gets so many smart,
good women in bad relationships. We as women compromise our own
feelings and instincts for a chance at a happy ending, and that is
NEVER ok. No matter how smart, or beautiful, or well put together a
woman is I guarantee you she has comprised what she felt or knew was
right to please the man in her life. It's our blessing and our curse.
In order to be successful in love and in life, you cannot disregard
your gut feelings. It's important to embrace your gut, it's essential
to become one with your intuition because it is the ONE thing in this
life that will never let you down. As women, our intuition is our
strongest weapon, but it's a gift we must appreciate. If your gut
tells you he is cheating, then 9 times out of 10, he is. If you choose
to stay with him that is your burden to bear, but NEVER let a man take
your intuition from you. Never let a man tell you that you are "crazy"
for how you feel or what you think. A guilty man will try to turn your
instincts around on you, when in reality, he is in the wrong. Don't
let this happen. It's ok to stay with a man that has let you down, I
will never tell a woman to leave a man because their relationship is
their business, but I will tell you the day you lose grasp with your
gut and what feels right, you lose inner peace. And no man is worth
inner peace, Ive learned that lesson the hard way.
I'll share an example, a personal story of mine that starts out
tragically. My live-in boyfriend left me alone on Christmas. Yes. I
repeat, he left me ALONE (didn't even leave one fucking present for me
to unwrap under our tree) on Christmas. It was supposed to be our
first real Christmas together. It was Christmas 2010 and we decided to
spend the holidays with his family. He flew out a week before
Christmas, and I planned to meet him a couple days later. As soon as
he got back to his hometown, he started acting extremely shady,
avoiding my calls, not responding to my texts, etc. Fast forward to
Christmas Eve and I had no plane ticket. I spent Christmas Day alone,
eating lasagna and crying. My gut told me exactly what I didn't want
to hear, which was that he was enjoying a winter wonderland with his
not so wonderful ex. I knew the truth, like most women do, but I
didn't want to accept it. My gut was telling me to end things, to tell
his ass to stay in Wisconsin with his ex, to save myself, but i went
against my intuition. I ended up letting him come back home a couple
of days before New Years, and pretended to believe his lies (he didn't
even respect me enough to tell me the truth). I told myself if I was
going to forgive him so we could move forward I had to forget what
happened. I can honestly say I really tried, but i couldn't, my gut
wouldn't let me. I even found his ex's business card (with a cute
little handwritten note about how he could come back for a free
haircut anytime he wanted or something nauseating of that sort) in his
pocket while doing laundry a couple of weeks later. Talk about the
universe throwing it in my face. The next few months were miserable
for no reason, I couldn't keep weight on and I didn't feel like
myself, my body was literally self destructing for no reason. My inner
peace was gone. At the moment I didnt realize it, but looking back on
everything I strongly believe i was in such a bad place because I
disregarded my gut feeling, my intuition, went against what my heart
told me was right. I forfeited myself in order to stay in this
relationship. Fast forward to September, the boyfriend decided to take
a weekend trip back home to help his dad with a work project. He
convinced me I needed to stay with our dog, so we didn't have to board
her. He planned to only stay gone the weekend, so when he didn't make
his returning flight that Monday, everything in my body told me he was
spending more time with this reoccurring ex of his than helping his
dad on this work project. I didn't want to believe it, and he wasn't
man enough to admit it. He called me crazy, insecure, once again made
me feel guilty when I had done nothing wrong except have a feeling,
one that was right at that. I finally knew the truth, I had put this
man above my girls, my own family, and myself for the majority of our
two year relationship. This time, I knew that if I let him break my
intuition again that he would break me, forever, and that wasn't an
option. So, I made the decision I wasn't woman enough to make 8 months
before, when the exact same situation happened. He continued to lie,
deny, and call me crazy, but I kicked his ass out. And yes, what I
said on Battle of the Seasons was true, I did donate all of his
clothes to charity, and I didn't feel one ounce of remorse. I even
called his ex and thanked her for taking his sorry ass off my hands. I
picked my intuition and myself over him, and it was the best decision
I've ever made. I stopped making excuses for his behavior, and I
allowed my intuition to save me from anymore heartache.
The inner peace, self growth, and strength that followed is like
nothing I have ever experienced or can even describe. Yes, there were
a few lonely nights, but I instantly felt and looked better. I became
me again. And yes, he tried to come crawling back, but I was so over
him that I never looked back. Our intuition is the universe's way of
giving us women a chance in this cold world, and when we embrace it, I
strongly and whole heartedly, believe the universe takes care of us.
